(Tribune Media Services) -- Taking a deep breath just doesn't work anymore. Not this summer.
No, this summer calls for voodoo planes.
Alan Fiermonte owns a collection of them -- "one for each airline," he says -- against which he unleashes his frustrations about silly fees and nonexistent customer service.
"I recommend a well-stocked pin cushion," adds Fiermonte, a Conshohocken, Pennsylvania-based travel agent.
If that sounds a little extreme -- and I'll be the first to admit that it does -- then let me acquaint you with a few facts about traveling during the summer of 2008. Gas costs an astounding $4-plus per gallon. Several airlines are charging $15 for the first checked bag -- the most outrageous in a deluge of outrageous new surcharges. Customer service, meanwhile, is circling the drain.
If last summer was the summer of our discontent, then this summer's sequel will be better than the original.
There's more discontent. Lots more.
We're not dealing with it very well, either. Among our coping methods of choice:
Violence: That's what a Pittsburgh-area woman is accused of resorting to when a motorist in front of her drove too slowly. She reportedly loaded up her pellet gun and fired away. Among the plea bargain offerings made by prosecutors were anger management classes. With gas prices going through the roof, isn't that something we could all use?
Cigarettes: Smoking may be strictly forbidden on airline flights, but try telling that to a JetBlue passenger who lit up on a recent flight. In the ensuing dispute, she is said to have socked a flight attendant and kicked and screamed when crewmembers tried to restrain her. Talk about being stressed out.
Booze and pills: A hard-charging general manager of a Boston TV station recently admitted in court that she went on an alcohol- and prescription drug-fueled tirade at Logan International Airport. When troopers tried to restrain her, she threatened to call a news crew and "ruin (his) life." The executive resigned.
There's got to be a better way to handle all this negativity than voodoo dolls, recreational drugs and firearms. So I asked a few experts to tell me how they'd cope with this summer's travelin' blues.
Take care of yourself
The unspoken rule of summer travel is that the moment you leave the house, you've agreed to be hungry, tired, lost, dirty and disappointed, says psychologist LeslieBeth Wish. "Negativity stems from not being prepared and not being willing to face that travel just ain't the way it used to be," she says. But by taking some simple steps like packing a lunch, getting plenty of rest and printing directions, you can eliminate lots of the negativity. "It's the best cure for negativity and the blues of travel," she adds.
Lower your expectations
Not so long ago, you could depend on certain things when you traveled. Like, that the room rate you were quoted would be the one you paid, plus maybe taxes. In an era or unfair resort fees and hidden charges for having a safe in your room -- whether you use it or not -- that's probably not gonna happen. And this summer, you can be sure they'll come up with a few new extras. "Be realistic about what to expect," advises Marion Ross, the co-author of "Shift: 12 Keys to Shift Your Life." "Then let everything else go." In other words, expect to be taken advantage of. That way, you won't be disappointed.
Think of travel as an adventure
That's the advice of Jonathan Alpert, a Manhattan-based psychotherapist. "If you view travel as an adventure and a challenge -- including the long lines and delays -- then it can be fun," he says. His advice is to build in enough time to experience this adventure -- a cushion of time, "just in case there are delays." Avoid tight schedules and deadlines. After all, you're on vacation.
Pack your sense of humor
Because travel is so absurdly difficult this summer, it's actually funny. What, you don't think the idea of charging airfares by the pound isn't just a little silly? Carol White, a recreational vehicle expert, says bringing a sense of humor is critical to having a good trip this summer. "It will reduce your own negativity -- if not that of those around you," she says.
Role playing, anyone
"Pretend you're a spy in a totalitarian country," advises author and travel expert Kelly Monaghan. (No, really. Stay with me on this one.) "The last thing a good spy wants to do is draw attention to himself. So relax, do exactly as you are told, never ask why, don't be chatty, and make mental notes about what the procedure is, just as you would do if you had to report back to your case officer when your mission is completed," he says. When Monaghan first shared this unconventional advice with me, I thought it was amusing. But you know, I have three young kids, and I'm willing to give it a try. Besides, when it comes to the airport, he's right about this being a totalitarian country.
Condition yourself to think positively
It isn't enough to treat the negative emotions when they bubble up, say experts. You have to inoculate yourself against badness before you travel. "Watch for the tendency to focus on the negative," says human behavior expert and blogger Pam Ragland. "Then replace it with a positive." How do you do that? Ragland says you have to condition yourself to look for the positive things that the travel industry does, like an on-time takeoff or returning your checked luggage after you land.
Look inward for a solution
Maybe the problem isn't travel. Maybe you're the problem. That's what Mick Quinn, author of the book "The Uncommon Path" suggests. When problems arise on the road, he says you're normally with what he calls "buried aspects" of yourself. "So when this, that or they tick me off, it is likely that I am being shown a window into my sub-conscious mind," he says. Quinn believes people bury these feelings and project them on to others, from a ticket agent to a motorist sharing the highway with us. His advice? Be aware that essentially you may be annoying yourself.
I know what you're thinking. What's with the pop psychology, dude? Look inward? Come on.
Well, folks, it's that kind of summer.
The only alternative is to not travel at all. That's what Burnett Moody, a retiree from Hilton Head, South Carolina, has decided to do. "My wife and I have been making three to four air trips per year for the past 40 years," he says. "Starting this summer, we will only go by car."
(Christopher Elliott is the ombudsman for National Geographic Traveler magazine. This column originally appeared on MSNBC.com. You can read more travel tips on his blog, elliott.org or e-mail him at celliott@ngs.org).
© 2008 CHRISTOPHER ELLIOTT DISTRIBUTED BY TRIBUNE MEDIA SERVICES, INC.
Monday, July 28, 2008
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Doc Tracy Quoted in Hartford Courant
On: Jun 11, 2008 5:23 AM
Heroism Or Hesitation?
Is Failure To Act In A Crisis Human Nature, Or A Sign We've Abandoned Our Values?
By KATHLEEN MEGAN | Courant Staff Writer
June 11, 2008
In the nearly two weeks since Angel Arce Torres was hit by a reckless driver who fled the scene, there has been endless dissection of a videotape of the Hartford accident and endless hand-wringing over whether bystanders took too long to come to his aid.
Those bystanders and motorists who failed to help immediately have been called callous and detached by some, while others point out that, indeed, four bystanders did call 911, and help arrived very shortly. But there are long moments when it appears from the tape that no one is doing anything.
All of this raises the question: How can humans be expected to react in such situations? Is this an example of inhumanity, or was it a normal response?
We talked to a number of experts, who make it clear that there is no simple way to interpret what happened on Park Street.There are social psychologists who say it has nothing to do with heartlessness and everything to do with how our mind works in an emergency, while an ethicist sees it as a failure to act on our shared values. A media expert sees people isolated by fear instilled by all that they read and hear in the media, while a psychiatrist sees it as a failure of human connection.
For social psychologists like Marianne LaFrance at Yale University and Charles Lowe at the University of Connecticut, what happened on Park Street is a textbook example of what's called the "bystander effect." LaFrance explained, "The basic logic is that the more people there are to witness an emergency, the more uncertainty is aroused on a number of different counts about what to do and who should do it."
Because an emergency is by nature uncharted territory, people look to those around them for cues about how they should react. "If no one rushes to the scene, people assume the others know more than they do," said LaFrance. "Often people assume that somebody else has already called the police or has gone to get help and that they might be redundant or in the way or that other people have perhaps more expertise than they themselves have."
After an incident like the one on Park Street, people react by questioning what has "happened to our fellow feeling. … They assume that something is awry, something is very wrong," said LaFrance, "as opposed to realizing that this is built into the human system: to check out what others are doing, to look to others as a source of information and guidance as to how one should define the situation and as to how one should respond."
"People don't want to be seen as foolish; they don't want to get in the way; they don't want to act precipitously, so they use other people's lack of response as a cue to their own response." Lowe said there is also a factor called "diffusion of responsibility." If a number of people witness an event, then the responsibility is spread across all of them, he said. "It makes you feel like, if something is wrong, it's really not my fault because everybody saw it, whereas if you're alone, and it was you alone who saw it, you are responsible." The chances of your getting rescued, whether you are being attacked or collapsing of a heart attack, LaFrance said, "is much greater if there is just one person who saw you than if there are several."
In many cases, that pause to check with others can be seen as mature and wise, LaFrance said. "It's taking a second to figure out what's going on before impulsively rushing … into the burning building to save the baby."
Such hesitation can also be seen as "the least beneficial thing to do, but it is part of how we are. It's not a statement about heartlessness or lack of care for others," LaFrance said. "It's not alienation produced by city living. It's a statement about how our minds work."
What about heroes? Those people who don't seem to care a whit for their own safety and reflexively rush in to help? LaFrance said much research has been devoted to searching for the personality type or traits that make people rush to help, but nothing definitive has been turned up. She said there is some data, however, suggesting that heroes are people who are somewhat disengaged from the social world — people who aren't particularly attentive to the other people and will "rush in where others fear to tread."
However, in general, she said, the human response to emergencies is "far more complicated than some people are good, caring and empathetic and others are frozen and uninvolved with other human beings."
Or, as Lowe said, "It's the not the type of person; it's the social situation that determines the behavior. … If you and I were at that particular scene, we wouldn't have helped either." Lowe said that calling for help on a cellphone was a healthy way for people to respond.
But from the perspective of an ethicist, what happened on Park Street is more about dysfunction. Gerard Magill, a professor of health ethics at Duquesne University in Pittsburgh, says the situation points up what he calls "a deep chasm between our ethics and our reactions." While many of us were raised on the Golden Rule and the parable of the Good Samaritan, Magill said, "the harsh reality is that the [Golden Rule] is disappearing in front of us, evaporating like the fog in front of us."
Magill said the people who walked or drove past the accident without stopping — though several did call 911 — were "probably good people, fine parents, God-worshiping believers, but none of them took action."
What happened reveals "a deep divide in our society between who we are and what our values are," said Magill. "A deep division between our daily life and our proclaimed values."
David Walsh, founder and president of the National Institute on Media and the Family in Minneapolis, said some bystanders hesitate to help because they see the world as a dangerous place.
"It's called the 'mean world syndrome,' and it's because of media's tendency to focus on the negative," said Walsh. "We don't hear about the hundreds of nice things people do for each other. All we hear about is the negative."
This exaggerates "that tendency that we all have to keep to ourselves, stay safe and isolated, and to just look out for number one rather than to create a community where people care for each other and look out for one another," said Walsh. "When it comes time for us to help our neighbor, this is a barrier we must overcome."
Dr. Tracy Latz, a North Carolina psychiatrist, says that when people are trapped by their own fears and concerns they fail to reach out and connect with others. Instead of jumping in to help, Latz said, people may be thinking: "I need to get here or there; I'm on the way to work; if I get involved someone will sue me. … If I get involved maybe a gang person will come after me."
In this case, Latz said, people might have thought, "If I pick up the phone and call 911, that completely absolves me … instead of stopping and talking to the person, letting them know someone cares."
Latz said that a feeling of unity among people tends to arise during huge crises like the attack on the World Trade Towers or like the earthquake in China. "Does it have to take a huge crisis?" she asked.
Heroism Or Hesitation?
Is Failure To Act In A Crisis Human Nature, Or A Sign We've Abandoned Our Values?
By KATHLEEN MEGAN | Courant Staff Writer
June 11, 2008
In the nearly two weeks since Angel Arce Torres was hit by a reckless driver who fled the scene, there has been endless dissection of a videotape of the Hartford accident and endless hand-wringing over whether bystanders took too long to come to his aid.
Those bystanders and motorists who failed to help immediately have been called callous and detached by some, while others point out that, indeed, four bystanders did call 911, and help arrived very shortly. But there are long moments when it appears from the tape that no one is doing anything.
All of this raises the question: How can humans be expected to react in such situations? Is this an example of inhumanity, or was it a normal response?
We talked to a number of experts, who make it clear that there is no simple way to interpret what happened on Park Street.There are social psychologists who say it has nothing to do with heartlessness and everything to do with how our mind works in an emergency, while an ethicist sees it as a failure to act on our shared values. A media expert sees people isolated by fear instilled by all that they read and hear in the media, while a psychiatrist sees it as a failure of human connection.
For social psychologists like Marianne LaFrance at Yale University and Charles Lowe at the University of Connecticut, what happened on Park Street is a textbook example of what's called the "bystander effect." LaFrance explained, "The basic logic is that the more people there are to witness an emergency, the more uncertainty is aroused on a number of different counts about what to do and who should do it."
Because an emergency is by nature uncharted territory, people look to those around them for cues about how they should react. "If no one rushes to the scene, people assume the others know more than they do," said LaFrance. "Often people assume that somebody else has already called the police or has gone to get help and that they might be redundant or in the way or that other people have perhaps more expertise than they themselves have."
After an incident like the one on Park Street, people react by questioning what has "happened to our fellow feeling. … They assume that something is awry, something is very wrong," said LaFrance, "as opposed to realizing that this is built into the human system: to check out what others are doing, to look to others as a source of information and guidance as to how one should define the situation and as to how one should respond."
"People don't want to be seen as foolish; they don't want to get in the way; they don't want to act precipitously, so they use other people's lack of response as a cue to their own response." Lowe said there is also a factor called "diffusion of responsibility." If a number of people witness an event, then the responsibility is spread across all of them, he said. "It makes you feel like, if something is wrong, it's really not my fault because everybody saw it, whereas if you're alone, and it was you alone who saw it, you are responsible." The chances of your getting rescued, whether you are being attacked or collapsing of a heart attack, LaFrance said, "is much greater if there is just one person who saw you than if there are several."
In many cases, that pause to check with others can be seen as mature and wise, LaFrance said. "It's taking a second to figure out what's going on before impulsively rushing … into the burning building to save the baby."
Such hesitation can also be seen as "the least beneficial thing to do, but it is part of how we are. It's not a statement about heartlessness or lack of care for others," LaFrance said. "It's not alienation produced by city living. It's a statement about how our minds work."
What about heroes? Those people who don't seem to care a whit for their own safety and reflexively rush in to help? LaFrance said much research has been devoted to searching for the personality type or traits that make people rush to help, but nothing definitive has been turned up. She said there is some data, however, suggesting that heroes are people who are somewhat disengaged from the social world — people who aren't particularly attentive to the other people and will "rush in where others fear to tread."
However, in general, she said, the human response to emergencies is "far more complicated than some people are good, caring and empathetic and others are frozen and uninvolved with other human beings."
Or, as Lowe said, "It's the not the type of person; it's the social situation that determines the behavior. … If you and I were at that particular scene, we wouldn't have helped either." Lowe said that calling for help on a cellphone was a healthy way for people to respond.
But from the perspective of an ethicist, what happened on Park Street is more about dysfunction. Gerard Magill, a professor of health ethics at Duquesne University in Pittsburgh, says the situation points up what he calls "a deep chasm between our ethics and our reactions." While many of us were raised on the Golden Rule and the parable of the Good Samaritan, Magill said, "the harsh reality is that the [Golden Rule] is disappearing in front of us, evaporating like the fog in front of us."
Magill said the people who walked or drove past the accident without stopping — though several did call 911 — were "probably good people, fine parents, God-worshiping believers, but none of them took action."
What happened reveals "a deep divide in our society between who we are and what our values are," said Magill. "A deep division between our daily life and our proclaimed values."
David Walsh, founder and president of the National Institute on Media and the Family in Minneapolis, said some bystanders hesitate to help because they see the world as a dangerous place.
"It's called the 'mean world syndrome,' and it's because of media's tendency to focus on the negative," said Walsh. "We don't hear about the hundreds of nice things people do for each other. All we hear about is the negative."
This exaggerates "that tendency that we all have to keep to ourselves, stay safe and isolated, and to just look out for number one rather than to create a community where people care for each other and look out for one another," said Walsh. "When it comes time for us to help our neighbor, this is a barrier we must overcome."
Dr. Tracy Latz, a North Carolina psychiatrist, says that when people are trapped by their own fears and concerns they fail to reach out and connect with others. Instead of jumping in to help, Latz said, people may be thinking: "I need to get here or there; I'm on the way to work; if I get involved someone will sue me. … If I get involved maybe a gang person will come after me."
In this case, Latz said, people might have thought, "If I pick up the phone and call 911, that completely absolves me … instead of stopping and talking to the person, letting them know someone cares."
Latz said that a feeling of unity among people tends to arise during huge crises like the attack on the World Trade Towers or like the earthquake in China. "Does it have to take a huge crisis?" she asked.
Tuesday, June 10, 2008
Monday, June 9, 2008
Adapting to Financial Change- Why is it so Difficult?
I am currently seeing several patients who are depressed, stressed and anxious due to losing their jobs. I am also seeing several bankers and real estate developers who are living in fear as they anticipate possibly losing their jobs and/or lifestyle in the near future as the economy has weakened and the bank stocks have tanked.
Many of these folks are so attached to their material possessions and how they will be perceived by their friends and families if they lose their status that that can't envision what life will be like if they need to take a step backwards. They don't remember who they really are as human being without their stuff. In fact they go into crisis because they don't know how to define themselves anymore.
We live in a society that defines us by what we do, how much we make, how many toys we have and the size of our house among other superficial standards. We spend the first half of our lives building our ego identity through the lens of what we think meets socially acceptable standards so we can be perceived as successful. We forget about the importance of family friends and all the loving relations we have . Too often people perceive that love is earned. If these same people see themselves as no longer being a good provider they will then believe themselves to be judged as unlovable, not good enough, a failure, a loser, and will then be abandoned by friends, family, loved ones, peers and colleagues.
Once they are in fear of losing their economic status they become so overwhelmed with fear that they can't see the light at the end of the tunnel: the eventual future, when the economy improves and they can rebuild what they have lost.
Doc Marion
Many of these folks are so attached to their material possessions and how they will be perceived by their friends and families if they lose their status that that can't envision what life will be like if they need to take a step backwards. They don't remember who they really are as human being without their stuff. In fact they go into crisis because they don't know how to define themselves anymore.
We live in a society that defines us by what we do, how much we make, how many toys we have and the size of our house among other superficial standards. We spend the first half of our lives building our ego identity through the lens of what we think meets socially acceptable standards so we can be perceived as successful. We forget about the importance of family friends and all the loving relations we have . Too often people perceive that love is earned. If these same people see themselves as no longer being a good provider they will then believe themselves to be judged as unlovable, not good enough, a failure, a loser, and will then be abandoned by friends, family, loved ones, peers and colleagues.
Once they are in fear of losing their economic status they become so overwhelmed with fear that they can't see the light at the end of the tunnel: the eventual future, when the economy improves and they can rebuild what they have lost.
Doc Marion
Heart Centered vs Fear Centered Living
Last week a 78-year old man was paralyzed by a hit and run driver in Hartford,Connecticut. Noone stopped to help him even though there was video of it..... a few people called 911 as they drove by him. How did we get into such a state?
I recall an experience I had at an amusement park 2 years ago (yes, I was either brave enough or stupid enough to take my 3 children ... ages 12, 10 and 8... to an amusement park on a holiday weekend... chuckle). We were in line in ninety-two degree heat for a ride and a little bit ahead of us was a 30ish-year-old African American woman and her approximately 11-year-old daughter.
Suddenly the young girl began to swoon and slowly collapsed to the ground. The appalling thing was that no one did anything but just look and pretend to not see it. I ran up to her and lifted her upper body off of the cement as her mother helplessly looked on in a stunned fashion. I do not know if everyone was afraid to either get involved or to lose his or her place in line. Such a feeling of sadness for the situation and then a great love and compassion for this young girl that I had never met before filled me. I yelled for someone to give me some water (lots of folks with water bottles around since it was a hot day).... and only one single person reluctantly handed one over. I gave the girl some water to drink and then asked her mother if I could pour some over her head, as she was incredibly hot and dehydrated. As I poured the water over her head and caressed her face, I asked if she thought she could stand with her arm wrapped around my waist with her mother supporting her other side. We moved her out of line and toward a shady area; the look of absolute shock on her father's face as he saw a Caucasian woman nearly carrying his young daughter toward him where he was awaiting them in the shade will stay in my mind for a while. They both thanked me and I just was amazed at how shocked people are today at a simple act of compassion. We saw them later in the park and this young girl and her sister were lively and enjoying themselves a great deal.
WHY DO PEOPLE STAND BY AND REMAIN DETACHED?
The true and fundamental essence of each and every person is actually peaceful and loving. In today?s Western society, however, our sense of peace has become disturbed and distorted due to our attachments, misperceptions, and faulty beliefs, all honed through our life's experiences. We have gone from being heart-centered to being fear-centered. The peace we once experienced has shifted into anger, love has transformed into fear, and happiness has evolved into confusion and sadness.
DocTracy
I recall an experience I had at an amusement park 2 years ago (yes, I was either brave enough or stupid enough to take my 3 children ... ages 12, 10 and 8... to an amusement park on a holiday weekend... chuckle). We were in line in ninety-two degree heat for a ride and a little bit ahead of us was a 30ish-year-old African American woman and her approximately 11-year-old daughter.
Suddenly the young girl began to swoon and slowly collapsed to the ground. The appalling thing was that no one did anything but just look and pretend to not see it. I ran up to her and lifted her upper body off of the cement as her mother helplessly looked on in a stunned fashion. I do not know if everyone was afraid to either get involved or to lose his or her place in line. Such a feeling of sadness for the situation and then a great love and compassion for this young girl that I had never met before filled me. I yelled for someone to give me some water (lots of folks with water bottles around since it was a hot day).... and only one single person reluctantly handed one over. I gave the girl some water to drink and then asked her mother if I could pour some over her head, as she was incredibly hot and dehydrated. As I poured the water over her head and caressed her face, I asked if she thought she could stand with her arm wrapped around my waist with her mother supporting her other side. We moved her out of line and toward a shady area; the look of absolute shock on her father's face as he saw a Caucasian woman nearly carrying his young daughter toward him where he was awaiting them in the shade will stay in my mind for a while. They both thanked me and I just was amazed at how shocked people are today at a simple act of compassion. We saw them later in the park and this young girl and her sister were lively and enjoying themselves a great deal.
WHY DO PEOPLE STAND BY AND REMAIN DETACHED?
The true and fundamental essence of each and every person is actually peaceful and loving. In today?s Western society, however, our sense of peace has become disturbed and distorted due to our attachments, misperceptions, and faulty beliefs, all honed through our life's experiences. We have gone from being heart-centered to being fear-centered. The peace we once experienced has shifted into anger, love has transformed into fear, and happiness has evolved into confusion and sadness.
DocTracy
Monday, June 2, 2008
WBZ Radio spots with Doc Tracy
Cut and paste to Listen:http://multimedia.wbz.com/m/20039617/women_s_watch_shift_your_life_pt_1.htm
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